for the long haul

when i close my eyes i can see him more clearly today than i have in quite sometime.
hunched over a little, scooting around, singing his favorite hymn, huffing and puffing.
i hear him laughing, i hear his whistle, i hear his "woooooo" when he was winning at SkipBo.
i see him eating a piece of toast or cake, sipping on his coffee.
i see him waddling from his fishing boat to the shed to clean the fish, wearing his fishing hat.
yes, he is wearing trousers and a plaid shirt.
i see him sitting in his chair doing a crossword puzzle.
snooring while he is "watching" the cubs game.
telling the players on the Price is Right how they should play.
i hear him praying his simple, yet beautiful prayer.
i heart him whispering his observations in my ear.
i see him reach for my grandma's hand.
i feel him grab my big toe.
i see his tears well up in his eyes.
i remember the last time we played SkipBo and I let him win.
"amy, this is probably the last time you'll ever play with me."
it was..unless in Heaven I get a rematch.

i'm really missing my grandpa today. he's been showing up a lot lately.
last night in my dreams.
today as i went to a dear brother's grandpa's funeral.
"the cobbler shop" was on the way the funeral, the same name as my grandpa's shoe repair store.
the wife's name was betty, just like my grandma's.

here's the thing..
when someone dies everyone rallies together to support and encourage you for two weeks to a month.
you are caught up in all of the funeral activities and what not.
but what about when everyone goes back to their normal lives?
when the support stops coming because people move on.
for those directly connect to the loss, their life is no longer normal
 moving on is a process and there is no time table.
when the initial shock of it all calms down is when the grieving process begins.
the day to day minus such a significant part, a significant someone.
the memories weaving throughout the days.
the pain may leave, but the ache, the pings and pangs continue.
it's not just one goodbye..it takes time.

we carry each other's burdens with such brevity.
we need to mourn with eachother for the long haul.

remember that when you don't have the words to say,
never underestimate the ministry of presence in someone's life today.