for me, nights like these are seldom. i don't remember the last time i ever had a night like this to myself, because relaxing is hard for me. my over achiever personality always presses me to get something accomplished. but in all truth, i did accomplish something last night. it takes more strength to simply be still. everything inside of me screamed that it was wrong for me to sit and watch the movie, but i kept turning to the Lord. i asked Him "Lord, please help me to be able to enjoy You by enjoying this movie." thoughts of you need to be doing this or that flooded my mind. but i stayed on the sofa, chomping on one piece of popcorn after the other. "you're being lazy..you're being selfish..remember that time you read Crazy Love and Francis Chan talked about a lady who never watched a movie because she didn't want to be found watching a movie when Jesus came back? shouldn't you be out telling people about Jesus?" these were rough for me to battle. and maybe they weren't all lies. but what i do know is that my heart desperately was seeking to glorify God by sitting on the sofa watching a movie. "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Colossians 3:17). my whatever last night was watching a movie.
now to what i was actually going to blog about last night:
why do we feel ashamed of the places we need God?
"...Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong"(2 Corinthians 12:7-10).
we are GIVEN the places we are lacking in our lives for God to remind us of our need for Him. God is not unaware of them. so why do we think we need to hide them? why do we try to remove these thorns or lessen their torment when they are a form of grace to show us how much we need Jesus? we have been twisted by the lie of shame. the admitting of our needs is the conduit which leaks the power of Christ into our life. Christ's power is released each time we say "i'm weak...Lord, i NEED you." it is our constant acknowledgment of our desperate need for Him that makes us the strongest, because we lean into Strength Himself. we don't have to fear exposing the places where we need God, rather we should fear the lie which tells us to keep them hidden. we should tremble at the thought of being blinded to our need for Jesus. in the world we are told that dependence is a sign of immaturity, but in the Kingdom dependence is the surest sign of maturity in Christ. dependence lies in knowing you are in great need.
"the space in which we are stuck, lacking, broken and in need, is the space in us that longs for God" (Jennie Allen).why long for God? because He is the ONLY thing that is dependable..always..whether we believe it or not. God's dependability does not rely on our dependency. we must remember that our dependency on Christ never starts with us, but with His holy dependability. it is only when we see God for all He is that we can really understand our need for Him.
will you join me in this prayer Pete Wilson included in a recent blog?:
“God, help me to know me. Help me tear down the scaffolding of power, praise, perfectionism, and performance that I use to prop myself up. Strengthen me so I can bear to be naked and vulnerable in Your presence, willing to see the areas of my life where Christ-likeness is so lacking.” “Willing to see”—that’s crucial. Because most of us are experts at hiding from what we don’t want to know about our own lives...We actually fool ourselves into thinking that if we don’t acknowledge the areas of our lives where we’ve bought into empty promises, maybe God won’t notice them either.
God's been surfacing many areas in my life where Christ-likeness is lacking, but i haven't been very willing to see them (another area where i need Him). He has been ripping down the walls I have tried to hide behind, taking away the comforts which i've clung to..to the point of moments where i am weeping and the only thing that i can say is "I need Jesus." these moments have been some of the most heart wrenching, yet most powerful moments of my life. and as I continue on this journey, i know there will be more painful realizations. but i want to be willing to see these areas..and it is only by His power that i can be willing to see them. i don't want to be ashamed of them. because i want more, need more of Jesus..and it is the willingness which releases the Spirit to transform me into the likeness of Christ. it is choosing the thorn each day that leaves me wounded in His presence, and the wound is the quickest way for God to get to my heart.
but in all of this i must not focus on myself and my need, but rather on the fullness of His majesty and sufficiency for this is the only thing that will catapult me into Christ-likeness. i can't muster up the momentum to move out of the places where i am stuck and needy in my life. i can but, by His strength, turn my eyes upon Jesus..
"we must move our eyes from our sin to God or we will stay stuck in our sin" (Jennie Allen).
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