unto the King eternal..

"All glory and honor forever to You, O God
All glory and honor forever to You, my King eternal
To You, my King eternal
To you, my King eternal
Unto the King Eternal
Unto the Lord Immortal
Unto the God invisible
You alone are wise"

tonight i joined in with brothers and sisters singing this to our Lord. as i sat thoughts of those who have gone before me entered my mind. as i sang "my King eternal," i thought about those who have walked and worshiped before me. the great cloud of witnesses that surround me..

this picture of brothers and sisters in the 1870-1880s (Little House on the Prairie time) worshiping Jesus came to my mind. i thought about how different their style of worship may have been, but that their hearts were the same as mine. i saw a girl with a bonnet on her head reading her Bible on a bench. and i realized that girl probably faced the same longing for me of Jesus that i do..

then i began to think back on WWI and WWII. i pictured soldiers singing songs of praise, quoting pslam 23.

then i thought of brothers and sisters all around the world who were joining in with me at the exact same moment singing praises to the King..

i felt a different freedom in worship than i have ever felt before..i felt corporate worship on a whole new level as i connected not only with those in the same room as me, but those from centuries past. those who i have an eternal relationship with..

then i was reminded of a conversation i once had about the fact that because God is outside of time..and that opened us to think: in this present moment as i sing and cry out to Jesus, i am also being seen by Jesus as He is hanging on the cross in excruciating pain. could it be that our worshiping encouraged the heart of Jesus while He hung there? doesn't this perspective change the way you worship in song?!

a memory of the future

ladies, i pray that each and every one of you get to experience the beauty of men who deeply love and cherish Jesus. whose hearts are redeemed and saturated in the blood of Christ. who know they still have sin in their hearts, but ache for it to be put to death. who are filled with righteous anger when truth is tainted, when a false gospel is preached. men who are courageous, but have enough courage to admit their deep rooted fears. men who are firm, but gentle. men who wrestle and question, so that they're view of Christ is not shallow. men who make war, and know that sometimes that means simply standing in their armor. men who protect, edify, and stand in the gap for their sisters. men who celebrate and respect biblical womanhood. men who know when to listen and when to speak. men who live humbly and simply. men who thirst for the Word, pant for God's presence, leak off the gospel on those they encounter. men who reveal characteristics of Jesus, making you want to love Jesus even more. in a society that has picked and poked out all the things wrong with men, let us celebrate what is right with men who are in Christ.

a quick hello turns into over a four hour talk. stillness and silence welcome until the next topic entered. getting to the heart of it. no "how's the weather?" real. genuine. pure. life bringing. reminiscing reminding us of God's hand. recalling His works, our hearts mend.

pieces of my heart, broken by the relationship (or lack of) i have with my earthly brother, continued to heal last night as my Father allowed me to sit amidst two of my dearest brothers in Christ. getting to observe and participate with these two men in biblical community was like having a golden ticket to Wonka's factory..it was an honor to get to be apart of something so..rare.

for some moments in life there are no words. i will treasure this night, and ponder it in my heart.

there's just something about the eternal bond of the fellowship of the unashamed, the family of God..being sealed in the Spirit together, bound by His love. when we come together, it's a memory of the future, a glimpse of what is to come..a little piece of Heaven to tuck away in the pocket.

sniff the moment..

consider this saturday's post:

well, it looks like time had another lesson for me to learn today. so this pretty neat blessing of a guy in my life (aka my boyfriend) thought he'd be cool and jump off this inflatable into the lake a few weeks ago at camp. but what wasn't cool was that he fell on the side of his face, his ear slamming the water..damage. not thinking it was too big of a deal, he did nothing about it. he got his wisdom teeth pulled and we thought that maybe the antibiotic for his teeth would help what we were thinking was swimmer's ear. the trauma of his teeth took the focus off of his ear, but when that pain started subsiding, it was evident that his ear was not okay. "we're going to carenow tomorrow," was my response.

[sometimes we become stubborn when it comes to receiving the grace of medicine and doctors. yes, i believe God is our Healer, both of our spiritual sickness and physical. but in that He callas people to be doctors..this is a form of healing. when we refuse to receive help from doctors, we are refusing help for the Lord. i know i am at fault for this. but me trying to be brave and suck something up, refusing to take medicine/going to see the doctor, i am not being loving towards others or being a very good asset to the body of Christ. when i am not feeling well, or in pain, i am not at my best..i can become irritable. also in this time of sickness, the enemy tries to scheme and take advantage of my weakness. not going to the doctor not only hurts you, but it hurts others..and this has nothing to do with my post..it was just a tangent].

arriving at carenow it is an hour to an hour and a half wait. we head over to target to pass the time. walking through the aisles carelessly was strange for me. i don't remember ever going to that target without a mission, something to find. usually, i would rush in, grab what i need, then rush out. once again, time had boxed me in..but this time constraint, this waiting period, ending up being so refreshing (unlike yesterday). i had nowhere else to go, nowhere else i needed to be, and that freed me to enjoy where i was.

i spent a long time on the candle aisle (i REALLY enjoy candles), sniffing all kinds of scents. as the smells shot up my nostrils, my affections for Jesus were stirred. then i realized, here i am, worshiping God by smelling candles. time froze as i got to consider how neat our senses are. and how creative our Creator is to give us the ability to smell.  I considered the God given pleasure of scent. and that He was thoughtful enough to create varied scents, because He is a personal God, He knows that certain scents would be more enjoyable than others for different people. and then i wondered, what will Heaven smell like?

in the candle aisle, time taught me that the sweet aroma of Christ can be found in the most unexpected places if you but slow down and sniff in the moment.

>for all of you who are wondering what happened when we got back to carenow, the doctor looked in Austin's ear and goes "i don't think you have an ear drum..." he looked again and said "yeah, you might have a tiny fraction of it left." woah. in all its neatness, it also sounds so very painful. ear drops and an antibiotic should do the trick. even though they were on the expensive side, it was a small price to pay considering the greater cost of a potential permanent loss of hearing. thank God for medicine! and the reality that our flesh will fail, but our God never will<

a product of protection

“I made time for your protection.” –Jesus Calling

Time as protection? Really?  When you find yourself in a restless and impatient state, time feels more like captivity than protection. Boxed in; movement restricted; suffocation. If only the tick would tock a little faster. The unknown leaves you crippled for the next minute holds the key which  determines your next step. The package has yet to arrive on your doorstep. The call hasn’t come. The traffic light is still red. Waiting weighs. That monster, Control, is slowly sleighed inside you. You cannot manipulate the situation. Stop trying!  You can’t do anything.  Helpless. It takes more strength to stand than move.

In enters the power of perspective: time as protection. Omnipresent God, who is outside time, has met you here, in this moment. Will you acknowledge His presence? His protection? You think you’re ready for what’s next, but you have no idea. God knows you can’t handle everything at once. Only He can see what’s in store for your future, and it’s not what you have in mind. He will keep you here, in this moment, until the lesson is fully learned, and the time is fully right. Just when you think you’ve grasped it and are doing good, He will move you on, and you’ll probably wish you could move back. When you get there, it won’t be what you thought it would be. Sooner or later you’ll want yesterday or tomorrow. The past and the future stretch you, playing tug of war. The game wears on your soul. But, the game can’t be played unless the rope involves itself. QUIT THE GAME. Today you have today, now you have now.

“But I trust in You, O LORD; I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hands..” –Psalm 31:14-15a.

As time nestles you, enjoy the freedom of not having a plan. Go with the wind, walking about in liberty to glorify God by enjoying Him and the pleasures He is extending to you in this moment: chatting with a sixty seven year old lady who calls you her BOFA: breath of fresh air, sitting next to the one who helped you learn to love again at a baseball game on a summer night, the sounds of crickets singing to their Creator, the hot pavement on your feet, parents who lay down their life for you, laughter, being loved for you, kindred spirits, the sunset, silence, a song that cuts you to the core…all products of protection, time.

how hearts are like teeth

snooze. snooze. snooze. i pressed it three times this morning. why? dreading the dentist.

it's always the same thing. "hey, amy, you're a really good brusher...but we need to go ahead and fill 85943859348 of your cavities." it doesn't make sense to me sometimes. are they just trying to take my money? but then again, it's not really my money. having a dad that works at a hospital has its perks when it comes to health insurance. it's the fact that getting fillings..IT HURTS. knowing something is for your best doesn't take the pain away. but i got out of bed and made the long 1/10th of a mile drive to the dentist.

they were waiting for me when they got there. the hygienist took me back. "what flavor polish?" i went with cinnamon. as i sat there and opened my mouth, i felt vulnerable. and then i realized why. i can hide the problems i have with my teeth. nobody looks close enough to really see the decay on them. flash them a smile, and that's all they really see of my teeth. but when you go to the dentist...they're the teeth experts. you can't lie to them. they know when you haven't flossed or brushed. they know when you clench your teeth. they know when you haven't been taking care of yourself like you should. they're professionals. if your teeth have a problem, you can't get it past them. everything may seem fine, but then they put their little pick in their and start digging around in your mouth. wherever there is a problem, you feel pain as their little pick scraps and sinks its way down into your tooth. the pain sends a sting through your entire body.

then it hit me. that's how it is with God. so many times we don't want to go to Him because we know that when He searches our hearts for decay, He will bring them to surface. God is a professional when it comes to searching the heart, because He knows it fully. you can't fool Him with the issues of your heart, unlike others who can't see the invisible things which lie beneath. He will use certain situations to pry through our hearts, to pick at them, to bring things to surface that He already knows about, but needs us to see. this process hurts us. it stings. but God only hurts us in order to heal us.

each time i leave the dentist they always urge me to floss. each and every time. they know that the discipline of flossing helps protect my teeth. it also prevents damage. but, i don't do it. then, i complain when i have to get fillings. yet, they patiently remind me each time. they also go in and fill the cavity.

God commands us to read and meditate on His word (and other spiritual disciplines) in order to protect our hearts and stay close to Him. but we don't. and then we complain when we have to go through the consequences of sin, and even blame God. yet, He patiently, lovingly, and gently rebukes us. He yanks out the sin in my heart, and fills it with more of Him.

knowing something is for your best doesn't take the pain away. but getting more of Jesus through the pain is worth it every day.

[and if you were wondering, i only had one small cavity this time that they said i could come back in a few months to get filled. and, i'm really going to try to start flossing this time. and maybe broadcasting that will help me stay accountable in it.]

blurred blogging

i'm challenging myself to blog. every day for the rest of the summer. short or long, i'm going to blog my heart's pondering for the day. maybe because i need some consistency in my life right now. maybe because my thoughts need somewhere to go other than cycling through my brain. maybe because i want to get over my mindset that if it's not deep and doesn't really speak to someone, then it is meaningless and not worth writing. maybe because i like to ramble. maybe because i feel like God has gifted me with insight into situations and He is asking me to share. maybe it's because even though there aren't words to say some things, i still want to try. maybe it's because i always forget the things i long to remember and this is a way of bringing them to memory. maybe it's just because i've always wanted to blog seriously but have never "had time." maybe because this has been a dream in my heart, and as many other dreams have died over the years or have been put on hold, this one is actually practical and something i can actually do. there are alot of maybes right now, not only about blogging, but in my life. things are, well..blurry. and it might only be in hindsight that i really understand why i am doing this. or maybe, i may never know why. but nevertheless..here. we. go.

why are you crying?

“They asked her, ‘Woman, why are you crying?’ ‘They have taken my Lord away,’ she said, ‘and I don't know where they have put Him.’ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus. ‘woman," He said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?’ Thinking He was the gardener, she said, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.’ Jesus said to her, "Mary." She turned toward Him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher). Jesus said, ‘Do not hold on to Me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.'" (John 20:13-17).

our hearts becomes calloused to familiar stories unless we seek fresh perspectives. these serve as pumice stones, cracking and massaging the rough parts away, allowing a surging freshness to seep into our souls. on Resurrection Sunday, this passage brought resurrected life into my heart which has recently found itself in a dry, cracked, desert of a season. over the past few weeks I have found myself stuck in a rut, stalled. my frustration has led to tears. if only tears could gather as streams in the desert to form under you and help you float on. but they don’t. as C.S. Lewis says, “Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”

in the above passage we find Mary. she has ventured to the tomb to peer in and find that Jesus’ dead body is no longer in the tomb. in the chaos of everything that had transposed in the past three days, the one thing she thought she knew for certain is where Jesus was. she was grieving, and the only thing she had a want to do was to go visit and take care of her beloved Lord. it shook her, angered her, shot her into a paranoid frenzy of tears. she thought the most dearest thing to her heart had been ripped away from her, she thought Jesus had been taken away..but little did she know that He was standing right next to her.

so many times in my life I find myself in a place where I can’t find God, I don’t feel Him there, “God, where are You?” I ask. but the truth is that God never goes anywhere, it is I who venture off, or forget to remember His constant omnipresence in my life, that He IS Immanuel, even during times in the desert. Jesus is with me always but like Mary, I do not realize that it is Jesus with me. I have found it is in those times when I think Jesus is farthest away, that He is nearest. “Amy, why are you crying? Who are you looking for? Don’t you know I am already here, that I haven’t left you Amy? I’ve always been here Amy. I’m not going anywhere. I will always meet you where you are. All you need is Me, and you’ll always have Me. Don’t know where you need to go? Come to me, look at Me Amy, I am standing exactly where you need to be, because you need to be with Me. Why are you crying? Stop crying. Come here, come to me My beloved.”

It only took Jesus saying her name, “Mary,” for the fog to clear as Mary recognized Jesus, risen. I picture Mary, bewildered, aching, overcome with grief and confusion and anger, longing for Jesus and willing to do anything to see Him (many times we get caught up in doing more because we think that will bring us closer to Jesus, will help us find Him in a way we are missing Him..but we miss out on more of Him because we are too busy and concerned with many things that don’t matter to realize THAT HE IS RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR FACES! beckoning us to just look at Him. He is not hiding from us..He has called us His friends because He wants to share things with us). with tears streaming from her cheeks Jesus simply, sweetly, tenderly, firmly, compassionately, calmly, boldly, says her name, and the scales fall off her eyes as she looks up and realizes it is Jesus. Mary’s face transforms from sorrow to joy, her heart throbs and she glows. she cannot believe her eyes but is fully persuaded it is He, “RABBONI!” all she wants to do is run and cling to Him, but He instructs against it, because out of His sacrificial love He wants even better for her. although He wants to stay and console her, Jesus know that He must ascend to Heaven in order that the Counselor, the Spirit might come. Jesus knows that the Spirit living IN Mary is better than for Him to stay and continue to walk beside her.

“Amy, Why are you crying?” “Because I am so forgetful. I forgot You are with me Lord.” “Amy, baby girl, It’s Me. I’m not leaving you.”

Why are you crying? Why are you freaking out as if Jesus is not there? Take time to recognize His presence, to realize Jesus is standing next to you. He is here with us, constantly here with us. And life is worth the living because He lives. And when you forget, when you are so focused on the waves and not His face, when you can't recognize Him, listen for Him, because He WILL be calling your name. He will say your name just as sweetly, tenderly, firmly, and comforting as He called Mary’s. and most assuredly you will recognize Jesus for His sheep know His voice. it may come through reading the Word, through the sound of the sweet spring rain, through the lyrics of a song, through the words of a friend, in joy, in pain, in laughter, in tears, as you lay your head on your pillow at the end of the day, in the sound of crickets outside your window, through a camera lens, in a book, or in silence. be open. in whatever way, you will hear Him say your name.

God is with you, pray that you will be with Him today.