surgery. that word does anything but quiet my soul. pair it with my mom and I feel nauseas. It doesn't really matter that it's classified as "day surgery." even in its simplicity, a little lift and shift repair from a previous surgery, it still just doesn't sit right with me. it's not that I'm afraid of something going wrong (which is always a possibility) i just don't know how to handle having to observe my mom as weak. whether they are crying from hurt, have a cold or whether they are in a hospital bed, seeing my parents weak leaves me heavy hearted and a little crippled.
who do you perceive as strong? admit it with me, we all hold people on a pedestal. there are people we look at and think they have it all together (even though we know they don’t). we look to these people and see strength. we forget they are human, too. as we are growing up, we look to grown ups and immediately conclude that they are strong and have it all together. growing up I would always look to my parents on how to act in certain situations or ask for their advice because I always knew they'd know exactly how to act, exactly what to do. we all have people we hold to a higher standard.
upon observing one little tinge of weakness, we are thrown off, our tail feathers rattled a little. we find it difficult to see those we think are strong in their weak moments. we tend to not know how to respond.
as my mom's surgery approached and even now as I sit in the waiting room I wonder how the disciples felt when they saw Jesus hanging on the tree. Jesus was Strength. the disciples must to have seen Jesus as the epitome of strength. they looked to Him daily and followed His lead time after time. so how did they react when (in the eyes of the world) Jesus was undergoing one the weakest moments in history: death on a cross. as He struggled to carry His cross, as He was beat and bleeding, as the crown of thorns plunged into His skin, as He was mocked, as His side was pierced, as He hung lifeless. that my friends, to the world, sounds like the weakest point anyone could ever find themselves in. how heavy hearted and confused those who looked to Him for strength must have felt (although the promise of resurrection they believed and clung to). as they awaited the third day, I await my mom's recovery. I find encouragement from this cloud to witnesses that have gone before me and can surely shed empathy upon me.
but there's another perspective to be found here. in the world's eyes the cross was Jesus' weakest point, when in eternity's eyes it was Love's strongest. Jesus was strong enough to be weak, to drink the cup, to die when He had the power to escape death but chose love instead, He followed the plan for the Father's glory. the blood that flowed from His body was the strongest act of love. Earth's greatest defeat was Heaven's greatest victory.
"It's time to grow up." I am growing up. and it has become more evident to me in recent days. you know those grown ups I used to look to to have it all together? I have to one of them now and I am scared. Why? Because I think I have to have it all together.. AND I DON'T! But watching my mom today has reminded me that that is okay, even normal. because my mom was strong enough to be weak, to have this surgery done and to ask me to be here to be by her side through it all she has reminded me that in life it is not so much our strengths that people need to see, but our weaknesses. they need to know that we don't have it all together which will in return free them to know they don't have to either. and as we mutually share our weaknesses we find again our dire need for Jesus. it is when we are weak that the same power that raised Christ from the dead can prove strongest. fling yourself upon Strength and He will carry you, as limp as you may be, in His strong arms.
will you be strong enough to be weak?
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