my (other) heart

"My heart.

Not the one in my chest that beats to keep me alive, where blood pulses and chambers open and close.

My other heart.

The one intangible, yet the one I feel all the time. The one that has no beat, yet is the key to my life. The one which can’t be touched with a surgeon’s knife, yet feels pain more keenly than any other limb or organ in my being.

That heart.

It has known joys, it has lived through sorrows, it has soared with sheer delight and it has carried agony.

Even more so, it has known the dull ache of chronic pain. The kind you just can’t shake. And just when you think you’ve fended it off for the last time, things are revealed (even if they’ve been known before) and the heart feels them fresh and new and it hurts. The heart remembers what it has been through – not in an unforgiving way, but in a way that says, “I will never let this happen to me again.”

It’s a trust issue to let God handle our hearts and hurts when in actuality we would rather let the person who hurt us know just how deep the pain runs. I’d much rather inflict a little as payback than concentrate on what I need to do to get better. It’s my healing I need to be concerned with. It’s my progress that I need to look to God for.

I know this……God is the only one who can heal my wounded (other) heart.

And as it heals, there’s a weak spot where the break was. A spot that’s prone to give a little now and again; not coming fully unattached as perhaps it had done before, but opening up just enough to let my tears gently wash over and through, cleansing out the debris living in there which keeps it from adhering together once again. One day my tears will cease and the mend will fuse, but there will be a scar as a remnant and reminder of what went before….fixed now, but with a permanent change to the landscape so that I don’t go down the same road again and sear it open for a second time.

God’s provision to keep forgetful me and my (other) heart on the straight and narrow.

My heart.

The one I can’t see, hear, smell or touch.

But that one that I can, most definitely, feel."

By Beth Coulton

when we're not ready..

spring semester is upon us and i am treading to stay afloat. after Christmas break being far from a break, i realize how exhausted, weary, and worn i am. and so the whirlwind hit yesterday, and i was not ready. i had not taken the time to brace myself for what was to hit. and i felt the tidal wave crash. and the storm began to shake my boat. but then i remembered i was standing on the Rock. i remembered who my Anchor was, and that He is unshakable, He stands unconsumed, unoverwhelmed. i'm not ready, but i'm gripping to my Anchor and i know He will see me safely to shore, whether that shore is in sight or a long ways off, i have this Hope as an anchor for my soul. He may not silence the storm, but He delights in silencing His child in through the storm.




today i read this in a blog by Kate Davis, and it spoke right to my heart:

“God does not wait for the world to get ready, He enters right into the mess...He doesn’t mind that I am not ready yet and He doesn’t mind the wretched condition of my heart or the stench of my sin. God’s time is now and He enters into the mess, ready or not. His perfect timing, now. Now is where He has called us. And we are just not ready yet. We need to clean up the house a bit and pray a little more and seek more counsel and we don’t know how to do that yet and oh, we have our excuses. And God says, “I’m here now, and I am ok with the mess because I am here for the messy.” God doesn’t need us to be ready for Him; He has been ready for us since the beginning of time and the Messiah is here calling us to commune with the Holy One, to eat at His table. Looking back I remember that never, not once, was I really as ready as I wanted to be. And I remember that God kept all His promises, every last one, in His perfect time. This new season looms and I don’t know what is next. But He doesn’t need me to be ready for this season because He is ready. He just needs me to be clinging to His feet. Now, God’s perfect time.”

life in the stroller..

today as I ventured on a run I had made it a few blocks when I saw a little brother and sister prancing around the street followed by their mother pushing an empty stroller. no sooner did I notice them did I see the boy face plant on the ground. his motherly glided to his side and tenderly picked him up and placed him in the stroller. as they continued on the boy inspected his wounds with a frown on his face and tears in his eyes.

Daddy sweetly spoke to me through this. It’s as if He was saying “Amy, that little boy is you. so many times in life you are prancing along and then something will pop up in the road causing you to plummet to the ground. but don’t worry Amy, I will always be right beside you to pick you up and put you in the stroller. your journey will always continue Amy. you may stumble, but you will never fall so far that I cannot pick you up again. Amy, just sit in stroller My sweet baby girl. let Daddy tend to you.”

as some of you know my dear grandpa bud went to be with Jesus a week ago tomorrow. although joyful that He is with His Savior, the past week I found myself going from prancing to smack dab face down on the pavement upon hearing the news and entering the whirlwind which followed. but, my Father constantly had me buckled in the stroller, because He knew I couldn’t walk through this alone. that my bumps, bruises, and scratches needed to be mended before I could even think about getting up to walk again. and He so beautifully illustrated that for me today.

I am so thankful and blessed for times when life knocks me down to the ground because this is when I am reminded of my uttermost dependency on Jesus, my desperate need to rely on Him daily, for EVERYTHING, even breathing..through the good and the bad. the truth is we are NOTHING without Him. our life is only found in the One who was raised from the dead to give us life, and life abundantly.

i guess in a way if a stroller represents our dependency on Christ we need to view it as our constant location. are you in the stroller today?