starting over..

God has really been wrecking one of my dearest friends from high school in a beautiful way in the past year and a half. many times i have regretted where i was in high school in my walk with the Lord..but even then He was working behind the scenes. i didn't know how He was using me..i prayed back then that i would see Him work in the life of my friends, especially this friend in particular. last night i met with her at starbuck's and she shared this beautifully written piece. i had to hold back my tears of joy. God answered my prayers. something good came out of high school. "amy, when everything crumbled around me.. i felt like a baby, starting all over again.." there is beauty in brokenness..i will say it once, and i will say it again. HE MAKES ALL THINGS NEW.. enjoy:




"the thing about starting over is...

you have to re-learn how to do everything you knew how to do before. it’s learning to hold your head up. rolling over. getting up on all fours. moving that first little inch forward, and beginning to crawl. pulling yourself up and feeling the weight of yourself on your feet. clinging to your Fathers’ fingers as He supports you, guiding you through your first steps. mustering up the courage to stand alone, knowing He’s right there, ready to catch you if you fall. handling your weight as well as gravity, the weight of the world, and remaining upright. putting one foot in front of the other, while maintaining your balance. wobbling at first. stumbling. letting your Father pick you up time and time again, brushing the dirt off your clothes each time. and finally, taking tiny step after tiny step, gradually getting you where you need to go.

it’s going back to the very beginning, and remembering that your Father is there for the helpless times. that He’s there, reaching out his mighty hand to pull you back up after you stumble and fall. remembering His promises for your life, and trusting that, in every stumble He is there, just waiting for us to call out His name."

the swing of things..

i started reading a new book over Thanksgiving called "Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-hard Life"..it pretty much jumped off the shelf at me..you know those books where you're like..so i'm not alone in the world after all? somebody gets me? and is writing to me? yup, that's this book for me. i love how God uses brothers and sisters to speak into our lives through books like this one..i know it is ultimately Him speaking as He has taught them and brought light to things and then laid it on their heart to share..well here's a passage i thought worth sharing..i find myself here time and time again, and i'm sure i'm not the only one..




"Hiding behind fine in the midst of God and everyone is insulting to the cosmic swing God set into motion. So often I feel embarrassed or guilty over my humanness, but our emotions and experiences are all a part of that swing. They add color and dimension and life. We try to hide them behind one-dimensonal masks because we believe they indicate weakness or we consider them to simply be too much trouble to dissect. Trying not to experience the whole spectrum of emotions is trying to be inhuman. It can be especially frustrating when our emotions are the result of thinking and feeling things we know are contrary to God's truth. It doesn't seem okay to swing back and forth between believing truth and believing lies. In their book, The Rest of the Gospel, Dan Stone and Greg smith talk about this swing. 'Our soul fluctuates between thoughts and feelings we don't like and thoughts and feelings we do like, and we don't like those fluctuations...we try to stop that swing, because our soul's fluctuations are unpleasant to us and it seems as if God wants us to stop them. We think that Christian maturity is getting that swing under control.' They go on to explain why God put this swing into motion in the first place: 'God designed us on the soul level to be capable of feeling and thinking things that are contrary to spirit reality. Why? Because that is the only way we can learn to live by faith out of who we really are and who He really is, rather than out of appearances.' Our fluctuation humanness is there on purpose, to remind us of our need and draw us to the One who can meet it. We don't have to figure out the whys and the origins of every swinging emotion. But it is SO important that we admit they are there. To embrace the color and fullness of our emotional, un-fine state is to be open wide enough to receive compassion and grace. Only then will we be able to offer that same compassion and grace to others in honest and authentic ways."

the Lord is your keeper..

as i walk through the present season of my life I have come to know God as my Keeper. looking back on my yesterdays i can honestly say that somewhere along the path i ventured off. i thought i was following my Compass, but little did i know that i was not aligned. i got one degree off. as i kept going i got further and further off from True North. the veering was so subtle that i did not realize how off course i was until i finally looked up and found myself in the blackness of the wilderness.

"And I will punish her for the feast days of the Baals when she burned offerings to them and adorned herself with her ring and jewelry, and went after her lovers and forgot me, declares the LORD. Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her. And there I will give her her vineyards and make the Valley of Achor (Valley of Trouble ) a door of hope. And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth, as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt." -Hosea 2:13-15

my Beloved took me to the wilderness only to bring me back to Him, more steadfast, held more tightly. brutal lessons were learned. pain was for my gain. and now, i am changed. i have been made anew. i feel His hands so tightly around me. His grip holds firm. He has hemmed me in. He is my Keeper, keeping me close. when i make the slightest turn in the wrong direction He quickly comes to nudge me back in place. fear creeps in that i will somehow get off track again, but then i remember that the only safety is found in the hands of my Keeper, and no one can snatch me from His hands. He loves me too much to let me go.

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." -Proverbs 4:23 here we find another translation to the ever so quoted, yet ever so important "guard your heart" line we get thrown at us..i find rest in knowing that the Lord is my Keeper..i can't guard my heart, i can't keep it the way it should be..but i know the One who can. when it is in His hands, it is safe, and i have freedom to live for Him, to love like Him.

Psalm 121:
I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.


commentary on psalm 121:1-8:"The safety of the godly. - We must not rely upon men and means, instruments and second causes. Shall I depend upon the strength of the hills? upon princes and great men? No; my confidence is in God only. Or, we must lift up our eyes above the hills; we must look to God who makes all earthly things to us what they are. We must see all our help in God; from him we must expect it, in his own way and time. This psalm teaches us to comfort ourselves in the Lord, when difficulties and dangers are greatest. It is almighty wisdom that contrives, and almighty power that works the safety of those that put themselves under God's protection. He is a wakeful, watchful Keeper; he is never weary; he not only does not sleep, but he does not so much as slumber. Under this shade they may sit with delight and assurance. He is always near his people for their protection and refreshment. The right hand is the working hand; let them but turn to their duty, and they shall find God ready to give them success. He will take care that his people shall not fall. Thou shalt not be hurt, neither by the open assaults, nor by the secret attempts of thine enemies. The Lord shall prevent the evil thou fearest, and sanctify, remove, or lighten the evil thou feelest. He will preserve the soul, that it be not defiled by sin, and disturbed by affliction; he will preserve it from perishing eternally. He will keep thee in life and death; going out to thy labour in the morning of thy days, and coming home to thy rest when the evening of old age calls thee in. It is a protection for life. The Spirit, who is their Preserver and Comforter, shall abide with them for ever."

see the world through someone else's eyes

"The other day I was at my rheumatologist's office, and in walked Marvin. I had never met Marvin, but I immediately summed him up as a patient—a man about 70 years of age with a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis and several other ills. He wore a plaid flannel shirt, faded jeans, work boots and a scruffy white beard. He sauntered in with an oxygen tank hanging across his shoulder and a box of donuts on his arm. He asked my name and offered me a donut.

Within minutes, I learned that Marvin lives in a small mountain town over 50 miles from Colorado Springs and drives here for each one of his appointments, stopping for donuts along the way. He's lived in the mountains for over 65 years and knows every family in his town. He has eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, one of whom was just born; his name is Evan. Marvin is remodeling his house, and his wife keeps asking why it's taking so long; he tells her it's because she keeps sending him to doctor appointments. He assured me that our doctor has taken good care of him since 1984, and he wouldn't go to anyone else.

There is something I absolutely love about talking to (or in this case, listening to) older people. I find them in turn fascinating, hilarious, adorable and inspiring. I almost never pass up an opportunity to meet and listen to an elderly person, and I am rarely disappointed with my choice. I was reading a book when Marvin walked into the room, but I soon put the book away. I wondered if he waits for his trips to the city to unburden himself of his tales and related news, and I was this trip's captive audience—it certainly seemed to be the case.



My visit with Marvin got me thinking how grateful I am for every encounter I have outside my well-worn sphere of acquaintances. Sure, I love my friends and family, but the Marvins of the world give me fresh eyes. They make me stop and give them my full attention, in part because they're new and in part because they're different. Sometimes I'll meet a Marvin in the business of my day (as I did in my trip to the doctor's office), but sometimes I have the privilege of cultivating a relationship with a Marvin over time. These are the friendships that truly bless me—but they're not without sacrifice. They force me to step out of my normal routine; they put me in different surroundings; they can even expose me to sadness and loss. More often than not they make me stop focusing on myself (is that even possible?) and listen to someone else.

But they're worth it. Without these friendships I wouldn't know Olga's recipe for a good marriage (hers lasted 71 years) or Emil's funny stories or the lessons Carrold learned in the Great Depression or what it was like for Minnie to become a Christian at age 75. I've peppered these friends with questions and have gained wisdom that would be difficult to glean elsewhere. Yes, it's been a good investment.

Do you have an area where you could grow relationally, perhaps by befriending someone different from yourself and serving them at the same time? Maybe, like me, you're drawn to the elderly. Or maybe you like kids and can help an adoptive family juggle their unique demands (this is National Adoption Month—listen to this week's show for a discussion along these lines). Maybe you have a heart for those with special needs, or someone from a different culture, or someone who is struggling to make ends meet. The opportunities are many, so give it a try and let me know what you learn."

-a blog from Boundless Ministries